Bachelor Brad's Surprise

The Bachelor had its season finale on Monday niight and bachelor Brad was to choose between the sweet and upbeet Jenni and the intense and georgeous Dianna. I was rooting for Jenni who I thought he had a real connection with throughout the season. And when they had there last date she cried when she told him she loved him, I cried too. I felt the frustration she was going through, in telling a man that she loves him, knowing he will not say it in return (he can't per the show rules). He hugged her and petted her and for the first time I felt emotion from Brad too, but maybe not the kind of emotion she wanted.

When Brad held Jenni I saw that he was upset that she was upset, that he could not respond to her emotions, and not because of the show. I saw an all too famiiar look in his eyes that said "I care about you, but ..." I know that "but".

And sure enough, when it was finally time for the rose ceramony, Jenni was told that he did not feel for her what he wanted to feel for the woman he was to propse to. The surprise came when he regected Dianna too. He looked her in the eye and told her that she was basically perfect, but he was not in love with her.

Last night all three were on again to rehash what had happened and Dianna still wanted a chance with Brad. It was so painful to watch. She so did not want to let go, and he had to, gentelmanly as he could, dump her again.

Jenni cried, Dianna cried, Brad cried, I cried.

See I have dated Brads, more than once. I have dated men who say they care about me and who I feel a palpible connection with, and yet who say they do not want to be in a relationship with me. They don't feel it.

I have had the same conversations with men that I saw Brad have with his two bachalorettes. If you care about me why can't you love me? why can't we stay together to give it a chance? Maybe you will fall in love with me eventually. And the response is the same. I don't know why, I just don't love you. I wont fall in love with you. But I care ...

To see this play out on national television confirms a beliefe that men and women approach relationships differently. (And there are exceptions, of course, women who do not committ and men who are persistant). Women may take longer to hold, but once they do they don't let go. No mattter what the evidence is that its not working out. Women are very good at denial and hope. Men, however, tend to be excited in the begining, pationate, effusive even, but once reality sets in, they lose interest. Instead of intensifing their feelings dwindle and there is a viod.

I do not undersstand this delema. Are men more demanding when it comes to love? Is it a short attention span of women? If anyone out there is reading this and can give me insight, I would appreciate it.

Brad couldn't explain it either, he could not say why he "knew" neither woman was ment for him. He could not explain why it was not worth it to even persue the possibility with either. But as much as the women tried to press him, he would not change his opinion. It is not logical, it is emotional and even if it is because he has issues and fear, it is still the truth.

And that is painful.

Mike and Me

Furst I must admit, I do not like the Mike and Juliet show, and not just because it is on Fox (after all, so is American Idol), or because I should be one of the cohosts (along with my father, Mike - though my brother pointed out that then it would be all about musicals and bad puns). But the show itself is annoying and cloying, makes Regis and Kelly seem intellectual.

That being said, I watched my colluges today, and I thought it went wonderfully. I even agreed with something Mike said, men say what they mean while women try to read more into everything. That is something I have been saying for a while. Men tell the truth, they might not always act on that truth, but in the end they will. So if a man says he does not want a long distance relationship (as the audiance member asked) he does not want it, even if he is calling every day. In the end he is being honest in words, if not action.

Women, on the other hand, are honest in action. We will say what we think a man wants to hear, but it is not necessarily what we mean. If we say we are fine without a committment, that may be true, or it may not. Men have to read more into how we act to get to our true feelings, because that is where they come out.

Men and women are both inconsistant, but it opposite ways, leaving the other person a lot of room to read into the relationship whatever they want. And that is one of the central problems in communication between the sexes.

Viv - I want spellcheck. (I'll repeat that in the boards) 

sigh

Oh I am tired and cranky today. I have been so for the past few days. I have an annoying cold that, while not dibilitating is stuffing up my nose and sapping me of energy. It is cold today in New York. It got much colder this afternoon than this morning. i must clean my apartment. I'm annoyed that I just switched over from Tivo to DVR and now it is not recoding. ahh. I wish there was spellcheck in this thing. i really must speak to Vivianne about that.

I am sorry for the whining. i really should think of something else to write about, something more interesting. But it seems that is all I have today. I hope people are logging on to this site and reading this stuff. I really look forward to responding to emails. 

My latest TV obsession is The Hills (in fact I plan to download an episode after I write this). What fascintates me about this "unscripted" show (we'll see now that the strike is on) is that all of these girls, young, beautiful, rich, they are all also stupid. And I am not saying they are more stupid than the rest of us, I am saying they are the rest of us. They fall for boys who treat them like crap, they get into petty fueds, they try to be nice and make good and be happy, but they just don't seem to know how. It is frightning how much I a 37 year old New Yorker can relate. Sigh 

bachelor love

Finally my blog is up - Yay! Now lets see if people will actually read it. I assume it will take a while, so I will save most of my good stories for when there is an a readership.

 As I wrote last time, last night The Bachelor was on and I was compelled to watch. Now here is the thing about that show, brianless women vie for a dull man to, what? marry them? as if that is a prize to fight over? and it is all edited and scripted and minipulated. And yet, I find myself watching it. Not only am I watching as a cynic, to laugh at all of the pathetic people thinking they are going to find love on national television. But I buy into it. I think Brad and Jenni actually have a connection. The romantic in me wants them to fall in love and live happily ever after. And when, as in last weeks show, one of the rejected women breaks down, hyperventilating with a broken heart, it is not superiority that I feel over her, no its compasion. I can relate to that feeling. Though the situation may be forced and directed, the feelings are real. And that is probably why I watch.

I too want to meet my bachelor who, with all of the women in the world, chooses me. That is the fantasy that even in my feminist upbringing, I have grown to believe in. Too want. I think men too want to find the one and that all other problems will go away.

Now is the time the cynic comes out. Of course love does not work that way. We are not chosen, even on the show, love does not win over life. And that is what makes me sad. But knowing that is also what can help find meening in other things.

The bachelor/ette will not choose you. You must make a life and perhaps you will find each other, and it will be nothing like what you impagine it will be. Because it will be real. 

My first time!

This is my first blog. I don't really know what to say. I will try to make it more interesting than a self-indulgent journal these things tend to be, as if anyone would care. But since I doubt anybody is going to be reading this anytime soon, I figure it is a good time to begin.

Please bare with me. My spelling is what I like to call creative and I noticed there is no spell-check in this program. When I am feeling more motivated I will cut and paste this on to word so that I can use spell-check, but this one time I will take a pass. I have PMS (yes men, it does exist) and a glass of red wine so I'm not fully myself.

Since this is a relationship site I will center this blog on what I think make a relationship work, and what women want, which is all so simple and yet so complex. I will write about my experiances, my relationships, and comment on things that are going around. I watch too much TV so I will definately comment on that.

In fact that leads me to my first topic: the TV show The Bachalor is on tomorrow night. I hate the show, it makes me sick to my stomach and embarrased for my gender, and I can't wait to see who gets a rose. I will be writing more about in a day or so.

Till then, bye

(How does one sign off on these things?)